About an hour later another asserted, "Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Gallilean."   Peter replied, "Man, I don't know what you're talking about!" Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly”.  Luke 22: 59-62 (NIV)

Peter weeps in the cool dust of the High Priest’s residence.  He feels physically ill, but knows he isn’t sick.  His emotions are pulled as tight as piano wire.  Anger, Shame, and Rage compete for dominance within him.  He loathes himself, every filthy part of his body and soul.  He feels defiled, like a man who has been with a prostitute.  He despises his wicked and disloyal heart that denied knowing his Master.  Hot, bitter tears stream uncontrollably down his face.  The tears, however, do little to calm the storm of emotions raging in the heart of Simon Peter.

His mind tries to figure out what went wrong.  Had he not stood, mere hours ago, at the Master’s side with drawn sword, ready to give his life for his Master. Had he not boasted that others might leave you, Jesus, but I will never leave you, Jesus!? Had he not cut off a piece of a man’s ear, to defend his King? Had he not seen the magic of the Transfiguration?

Oh, how his heart fell when he saw Jesus’ eyes.  He could not get that look out of his mind.  The look of disappointment and shame in the Messiah’s eyes as Peter cursed Him for the third time in the cool Jerusalem night. The scourging, the whippings, the mocking, let him have them all.  Give him every stripe, and every lash that Jesus got.  Just get those disappointed and heartbroken eyes out of his mind.

He had trusted in the King completely.  He had walked on the waters of the Sea of Galilee with the Messiah.  He had seen the dead raised, the lame healed, the blind given sight and prophecies fulfilled.  He had walked with, talked with, ate with, and slept with Jesus.  He knew that Christ was the promised one.  He knew He was the Son of God.  Tears continued to pour out of Peter.  He was bawling like a baby now.  He did not care who saw or what they thought of him.  He had denied knowing the Father’s only begotten Son.  He had refused to stand up for God.   How could Jehovah ever forgive him of that?

In After the Tears Stop: The Story Of Simon Peter Part II, we will read of Peter’s Reinstatement by Jesus.

Copyright 2008 Spotless Lamb Ministries, Inc.

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